My Transformation Now

Deal with Stress 'Solve' v/s 'Dissolving'

In the earlier article we distinguished 'solving' v/s 'dissolving' as follows:

There are two ways in which one can deal with stress or any other problem that we encounter in life.

The first way is to try and solve the problem. This is what majority of us try to do and most of the motivational programs and products take this approach. However, let us be very clear and straight about this distinction. You can never solve a problem without creating another problem. In fact, it is the bigness of another problem which enables you to realize that the earlier problem was not at all a significant problem and you could have very easily lived with it without taking the enormous stress and strain that you took on.

The second way is to take the approach of 'dissolving the problem'. In dissolving the problem, you don't try to solve the problem. You embrace the problem. It is about looking at the problem differently and realizing that the problem is not in what is happening to us but how we react to what is happening to us.

Let us understand this further.

Whenever we try to solve a problem, our belief is that the problem can be solved and solved permanently.

Secondly, we believe that the problem is universal. In the sense, that the problem is always a problem, at all times and for all people in all the places. p>

Thirdly, the belief is that the problem is a problem. It is something that we need to avoid, be away from, and run away from. Our life, to be peaceful and happy, should be devoid of any problems whatsoever.

Let me ask you to consider the following possibility?

Problem is not really a problem. A life devoid of problem is not life at all. One who is asking for such a life either does not understand how life works or is a person who has given up on life, has resigned or is so fearful that he is not willing to look at life any other way. For him, taking any risk is suicidal and hence constantly seeks a 'solution' to the problem.

What needs to be realized is that a life must and will always have ups and downs. The graph will always be uneven, never a straight line. In fact, it should never be a straight line. Imagine, the patient seeking a straight line on the graph of his cardiovascular test. The moment the 'heart' line becomes straight, even for a while, it gets into a critical stage. A straight line is a dead line. Period.

Problem is not a universal problem. The same issue cannot be a problem for everyone, at all times and at all places. Suppose you are driving in the night in a god forsaken place. It is a chilly, cold night, and it is raining heavily. There is no place to rest or take refuge and suddenly your car comes to a screeching halt because one of your tyres got punctured. Imagine your condition and state of mind at this point in time. Is this not a problem? Is it not a terrible, cruel situation. Definitely so.

To your good fortune, in this deserted place, right in front of you, there is a small hut and the person is a car mechanic. For this person, your problem is not a problem. He was praying hard to get some business, and you were god sent for him. He could not stop thanking his lord for this event. Your problem was a blessing for him.

Problems are not universal. Problems become opportunities for some. And for some, it becomes a breakdown. Two salespersons visiting the ice land to sell shoes saw completely different situations. One was horrified to find that nobody even wore shoes. He sent the message immediately. 'Stop the consignment. Nobody is even aware of the concept of shoes'. The second salesperson was overjoyed. His message was, 'Double the consignment. Nobody is aware of the concept. There is no competition. We can sell shoes to everyone'.

Given this understanding, do we need to solve the problem when the problem itself is not a problem?

And finally, even if you want to get rid of the problem (if you see it as a problem), be clear. The problems cannot be solved. It may give you an impression that the problem has been solved when you take some action. But in reality, the problem ceases to exist not because it disappears. It ceases to exist for you since you have given birth to a bigger problem and in this context, the smaller problem does not seem to be a problem at all. Sometimes, people wish to go back to the original situation rather than the new one which is far more challenging and stressful.

Let me give you an example. Parents generally are a very worried lot when their children are toddlers. They give up their jobs, careers and be with them full time. They get so overwhelmed with the kind of attention they need to give that they constantly wish to see these children grow up at the earliest so that they can have some freedom in life.

These children, when they do become teenagers, become another kind of problems. They are listening... more adventurous than they need to be, wrong friends, drugs, TV, computers, etc. They wait for the day when they would get married and settle down in life.

Once married, a variety of issues emerge. The daughter has gone into the wrong family. The couple is having second thoughts about being together. Divorce looks a distinct possibility. And so on and so forth.

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